Don't gatekeep pride

We went to our local pride on Saturday. We’ve been going for years. When we first went, I thought I was a cis/het ally. I’m not sure if going to pride helped me realise that I’m non-binary, but it certainly didn’t hurt.

I occasionally see people say that straight people shouldn’t be at pride. I think that’s a very bad idea, for several reasons.

How could you possibly police such a policy? One or both partners in what looks from the outside like a straight couple might be bisexual or pansexual.

One or both of them might be trans (despite what the TERFs desperately want us to believe, you can’t always tell) or non-binary.

It’s even harder to tell if an individual is LGBT or not, unless they choose to make it obvious. Even if such a policy is not actively policed, anyone who doesn’t adequately perform queer will feel unwelcome.

There will be people at pride who know they’re queer, but aren’t ready to come out yet. It might not be safe for them to come out. Would you really want to deny them the solidarity of being with people who understand?

There will also be people like me when I first went to pride, that aren’t straight, but don’t realise it yet. I was forty-eight before I realised I was non-binary, and I mourn those years.

For most of that time, I had no idea that non-binary was a thing. I just knew I had thoughts and feelings that nobody else seemed to have, and which I quickly learned not to express. If I hadn’t gone to pride, I might would have worked it out eventually, but I would have even more years to mourn.